Two detectives months away from retiring who are being chased after by what they think is Anthony Hopkins for killing his son but he's a front for Nicholas Hoult because it was his fiancee we killed in a drug bust. Her fiance Camilla Kostek died a beautiful, slow motion violent death that I was watching awkwardly. Keanu stood stoic in this moment. and also Paul Rudd is our car dealer and Jon Hamm is the boss. He yells a lot in the nicest way.

But Paul's car fucks up because he's not the greatest.. or so we THOUGHT. Turns out his car parts person played by Bryce Dallas Howard has been selling him duds in an effort to look bad because Paul put her dad out of business before as an auto repair person and this is her way of getting back at him. But he can't get over how sexy AND greasy she is so he doesn't notice.

an Uber driver in a smart car played by Jennifer Lawrence to get us there after Sienna's car parts make Paul's sexy car break down, and Keanu eventually forces her to sit in the back with Jason and to judge his driving.

Taika Waititi plays a guy who just randomly shows up in different scenes wearing different costumes, and says "could you quiet down in here?" Like a gun shot goes off and he just comes in annoyed. Or when we speed by him in the Uber and he yells at us to slow down.

Taika's also secretly undercover as a cop who Is trying to snag Chris Evans because Evans is the cleanest cop on the team but works for Camilla. Like DiCaprio in the Departed only backwards.

Eventually Taika arrests Chris for jaywalking and swearing, and Chris steals his gun. Just as he's about to shoot Taika, Jason Sudeikis comes in and stops him.

Sudeikis takes the gun from Chris and there's a moment where you don't know what Sudeikis is going to do. Is he good? Is he bad? He winks at Chris and says, "Let me do it" to show Chris that they're on the same side. They hug and laugh and hear a shot ring out just past Jason's ear. Chris says, what the shit?" and looks up at the building across the street.

Sarah is Taikas partner and is up on the 14th floor as a sniper because she was dating Sudeikis and this is a kind of Mr. And Mrs. Smith moment. Sarah calls me and says, "I've got this covered" because she and I were dating but now we've broken up and we have unresolved feelings but we still like each other as people and anyway a shootout starts where everyone jumps in slow motion as we cut back in to Keanu driving.

Someone is now chasing us, also an Uber. It's Alison Brie. She was in a relationship with Jennifer and she broke it off and Alison was mad at her because she thought Jennifer was dating me so Alison was after me without realizing that this is a big misunderstanding. But in reality Jennifer still loves her so when the chase ends they make up.

And at the end of the driving scene, Keanu and Jason get out of the car. We're looking around for Anthony Hopkins but he's now been replaced in the script by Steve Buscemi.

He's not Camilla's dad because that would be weird. He's her creepy uncle because he's got that mustache. He's the actual front of the business but he hates the fact that he was looked over for the lead by his brother (Camilla’s actual dad played by Bill Murray) so he is a begrudging member who wants to find the right time to turn on Camilla and take over.